Back in February I gave up booze and bread for the month, and by the 28th, I felt amazing. Clear headed, clean bodied. Amazing. On March 1st, I celebrated, and drank beer with my friends. But I stayed away from the pizza. For a couple of weeks after that I was mindful of everything I ate and drank.
But some time in May, my pants weren’t fitting well, and my head was not so clear. It was then that I realized I hadn’t just slipped off the wagon, I drove that wagon off the edge of a cliff.
Lately, I’ve been eating bagels and pizza and Italian bread like I’m about to move to the middle of the country. And I’m back up to midsummer-level beer consumption before the kids are even out of school.
So last week I decided it was time to get re-mindful, to take a look at what had happened to my head since March 1st. No big deal. It’s not a struggle. It’s not a fight. It’s a simple slowing down, becoming once again conscious of every choice I am making. It’s just been a matter of mindfulness and impulse control.
And now, I’ve decided to do it again. Back into rehab, because these old habits, they die hard.
I didn’t ever imagine that I would conquer my bread addiction on my first attempt. Hell, I quit smoking repeatedly for 30 years. It hardly ever sticks on the first shot. Or second. Or third, or fourth…
It’s so easy to look at someone else who is doing something that is obviously not good for them and wonder why they are still doing it.
You are allergic to gluten and get sick every time you eat a cookie, but you still continue to eat them. What’s up with that?
You know smoking causes cancer and have even lost family members to smoking related diseases, yet you continue to smoke. Why do you do that?
You are late for work every single day, but you still leave the house at the very same time each morning. When will you learn?
It’s also easy to see when someone isn’t doing something that can make their life better. They know what they have to do, but they don’t do it. And we wonder, why don’t they just do it already?
If you would start exercising and eating right your sugar would be under control. Just do it!
You’re always complaining about your lousy job, getting sick every Sunday night. Yet you still go in to work every Monday. If you would quit, your life would be so much better.
I felt so awesome on February 28th, but I slowly slid right back into my old behaviors. What the hell?
We all have those things, don’t we? Those things we know we should do to make life better. Or the things we know we should stop doing. But we can’t. Or won’t. Or just don’t.
Obviously, sticking with it isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I need to constantly remind myself to be mindful. So I am going back to my sankalpa “I make good choices”.
And I’m back on my wagon. I know that having a group of people practicing mindfulness with me seems to boost my enthusiasm and make things easier. So if you want to join me, if you are thinking about giving something up, or taking something on, let’s do it together.
You can jump on the wagon anytime. Here: https://www.facebook.com/events/692271527488957/692271530822290/?notif_t=like