At some time today,
I will feel the energy rise up through my body,
to the base of my throat.
I will get choked up on the memory
of that one moment,
when I heard the news.
It will stick there like a smoldering stone-
still so hard to swallow- constricting,
as my lungs fill with all of the feelings
of those following days weeks months,
of confusion denial disbelief anger.
Anger. And so much sadness.
A hollow emptiness will swell up inside my sinuses,
and build up behind my forehead,
until the pressure is enough to explode out of my eyes,
spill onto my cheeks,
drip down my neck,
soak into my shirt,
and linger there on my heaving chest,
before being absorbed, back into my heart,
to rest, again,
in the you-shaped hole,
as the memories of all the other moments,
close in around it, press up against it, and hold it down, for a while.
Perhaps a little longer this time.
Skip to My Lou, My Dharma 
Four years?? We reread that post from July 11, 2020, and our exchange. You said this:
“Maybe you can understand that we were friends for so long, and connected in such a way, that I thought of him as another split off part of me outside of myself.
Joy will come, but not today.”
We hear your pain and grief and mourning. And the unmet need for closeness. We hear too much space.
Hug offered if you want it
Thank you for the virtual hug. And thank you for your comments, both then and now, which meet my need for connection and understanding. I appreciate you.
This rings true for me, the way I felt November 1, 2020 on my son-in-law called early in the morning with the news that Sara my precious Sarah was in a hospital in St. Louis unresponsive. She died the next day after gifting her organs to four people of a burst blood aneurysm.
Disbelief
Anger
To rest in my heart again in the U-shaped hole.
I Enjoy your writing so much and sometimes print one to keep.