I don’t want to be still. Stillness is bullshit. Clearing my head? Emptying my mind? Being present in the moment?
To be present in this moment, in the nowness of this very moment, I would have to be present in the first place. Present and aware.
I don’t want to be present and aware right now. It’s uncomfortable. It’s hard work being mindful. I don’t want to be mindful.
Mindfulness is bullshit.
Sure, if I am truly mindful, present, and aware I can take myself to that amazing open space where there is absolutely nothing. It’s a beautiful place to be.
But as soon as I get there I also find myself face to face with absolutely everything. Absolutely everything. That, is absolute enlightenment.
Enlightenment is absolute bullshit.
Who needs it anyway? It’s so much easier to dim that light. Crawl back into the dark places. It’s so much easier to tune in to something else. To deflect. To avoid. To deny. Who wants to risk coming face to face with everything in order to get to that beautiful open space?
It’s so much easier to read a book. Listen to music. Take a walk. Scroll and swipe through endless screens.
It’s so much easier to fill my time with sights and sounds, scents and sensations. Give me some sugar. A cigarette. A painkiller. A pregnant giraffe. Anything.
Gimme a political debate. Gimme a philosophical discussion. Gimme internet porn. Gimme a fuckin beer already, for chrissake! It would be so very easy for me to go back to drinking beer and eating junk food. I want to go back to easy.
This isn’t easy. No. This is bullshit.
Potato chips! Gimme some potato chips. Gimme Netflix. That’ll do it.
I will sit still. But I won’t be still.
Stillness is bullshit.
Total, complete, bullshit.