I was struggling on my yoga mat this morning. Wrestling with my body, grappling with my thoughts.
Jayne was calling out poses, and we were moving through a flow at a pretty steady pace. And then we ended up sitting in firelog pose. We were still for a moment. And as soon as my body became still, my head became flooded with thoughts, and the monkey took over.
I used to love this pose. What the hell happened?
I need a block. Maybe two blocks.
Look at Steph over there. She looks so comfortable in this stupid pose.
I remember being able to do this.
I used to do it well.
My knee hurts.
It’s the medicine. This damn medicine.
All my joints ache.
I should stop taking these pills.
I feel like the TinMan without an oil can.
Stiff. Rusty. I really need an oil can.
TinMan is a song. Who sings that song?
My hip aches.
🎵 ‘Oz never did give nothin to the TinMan, that he didn’t, didn’t already have’. 🎵
Is that America? I think it is.
God- my body is a mess.
Everything feels wrong.
Nothing is right.
This is awful.
I should just get out of this pose.
I should’ve stayed home.
All of these thoughts occurred in a matter of seconds. Along with them came the clenching of the jaw, heating of the cheeks, tightening of the chest, shortening of the breath, followed by a big heavy sigh of frustration, aggravation, despair.
And then Jayne said ‘Just sit with this.’
Sigh. Just sit with this. Don’t go anywhere. Just sit. And don’t sit with all of the other things, just sit with this. This thing, this pose, this breath, this discomfort, this moment.
Just sit with this moment.
Things will come up all of the time, uncomfortable thoughts, uncomfortable feelings. Don’t be so quick to analyze them. Don’t try to figure out where they come from. Don’t try to stuff them down. Don’t try to breathe them away. Just sit with them.
If a mountain rises up in front of you, don’t rush to move it out of your way. Don’t try to chip away at it. Don’t climb over it, go around it, tunnel through it. Just sit with it.
Make the space to just sit with it. Clear away everything else, and just sit with it.
Whatever obstacle you are facing, sit with it. Whatever arises outside of you, sit with it. Whatever arises within you, sit with it. Whatever you are feeling, just sit with it.
For a while, just sit with it.
Soften, relax, and sit with it. For just a while.
… Earworm… America’s Tin Man