It’s not that I don’t love you.
It’s just that…
(I don’t like me when I’m with you.
When you walk into the room,
I immediately transform
and I become something
that I don’t want to be.
Everything inside of my body changes.
I tense up.
I tighten my jaw grit my teeth cross my legs fold my arms clench my fists hold my breath brace myself
and wait.
I wait for the words that are going to come out of your mouth.) 

It’s not that I don’t love you,
it’s just that…
(I don’t like the job you have given me.
I watch as you move through the room,
listen as your words rise and fall rise and fall rise and rise,
all the while wondering what is it you want
me to say.
Which are the words that will keep you calm and grounded?
Today.
Which are the words that you want to hear?
This time.
Which are the words that will snip the hot wire?
Right now.
Do I have the right words here in my bag?
Or will there be yet another explosion
that leaves me shattered in pieces
and wondering why I am here?)

It’s not that I don’t love you
It’s just that…
(I don’t like the power I have given you
over me.
I don’t like that
I allow you
to make me feel frustrated.
I allow you
to irritate me, incense me,
fill my head with noise and confusion.
I allow you
to anger me, annoy me, inflame me,
to bait me til I bite.
I don’t want to bite
I wish I wouldn’t bite.
But I will
again and again I will bite.)

It’s not that I don’t love you
It’s just…
(I know you think that it’s you.
You always think that it’s you,
because you think that it’s always you
and you think that it is all ways you
and you think that everything is you.
But it’s not you.
I know you won’t understand this
But it’s not you. )
It’s just that…
It is not you.
It’s just that…It isn’t you.
It’s just that…
It’s not you.

Not you.
It’s me.

(Just let this
one
friggin’
thing
be
not you.)

It’s me.(goddamit)
It’s me.

Not for You by Pearl Jam

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